New Book Out, New One Started

Hello, and welcome to a catch-up blog post. First today’s news…

A Case of Make Believe is back from the layout guys. I have been through it, and it looks great. Apart from the fantastic cover, there is an image of the new character which I’ve had drawn, and the only thing missing is the title of the next book in the series. That will be added when I have thought of it.

If all goes as it usually does, the book will be ready today or tomorrow, and I will post the link when I have it.

As soon as it’s ready, you will be able to find this dark and mysterious novel on the Delamere Files series page here.

Book Six in the series

This one has got off to a mysterious start and even I don’t know where it is leading. It will have something to do with photography, though. Already, we have an opening that is slightly farcical but makes sense, and it’s one of those stories that starts a little way in and then goes back to the beginning. So, after chapter one, I currently have ‘X days earlier’ and the story starts from there with Jack at his desk, rather bored with doing the CID’s cold cases, and hoping for something more exciting to come along.

It does, and it does so in the shape of a Congregationalist minister who has found a body in Abney Park Cemetery in Stoke Newington.

Yes, I know you’d expect to find a body in a cemetery, but not one in a shallow grave, and not one who died ten years earlier and yet looks like it died only a day ago. So, we’ve started off with a right old mystery which, by chapter four, thickens when the detectives (all four) visit the scene to find the body has deteriorated since that morning…

Don’t worry, I will find a way out of this. It will involve some kind of chemical reaction, like a photograph, and I think Doc Markland will have to be brought in.

Meanwhile, Jack has a new team of horses called Moonlight and Silver, though he still has Shadow, of course, and Mrs Norwood next door has her own stable hand and groom again.

Romance Promos

You might like to take a look at the titles in these two romance promos, if you haven’t already. There may be some new authors and titles for you to read there.

Hundreds of New Titles

‘Where There’s a Will’ is still in the publishing queue at Amazon. This is unusual, but it does happen, and we must be patient. Meanwhile, there are hundreds of other titles and new authors for you to explore at the following promo page links. If you want to know more about these promos (which don’t cost you anything to view but which offer great opportunities for new works at low prices), sign up for my newsletter for updates.

The following expire on Sunday, so click now before it’s too late.

Kindle Unlimited Historical Fiction
All books here are on Kindle Unlimited.

Find Your Next LGBTQIA+ Read
This is a Pride Month promotion with a massive variety of genres, niches, tropes and authors.

Mayhem & Motives
Mystery, thriller and suspense reads.

Academy Series Starters
Mysteries, fantasy, lots of unreal stuff and then, ‘Guardians of the Poor’ — historical, academy setting series starter which rather stands out from the other covers (and has attracted a new readership thanks to this promo).

I have two more to tell you about next week. The above end at the end of this month, though the books will still be available of course, just not the easy-reference promo page. Next month I am in two promos (so far), and there will be a newsletter about this, plus blog posts. Meanwhile, my guests leave on Friday, so on Saturday, I shall be returning to ‘Bobby’ which I hope to have published during July – as long as the queue has died down and ‘Where There’s a Will’ has been released. That book is available in paperback, but not yet on Kindle. Click for more info:

Books, Promos & Mysteries

It’s time for a roundup of what’s going on in my Jackson Marsh world right now, and life’s a varied bag of pick-n-mix, to say the least. Here’s the roundup.

Where There’s a Will

The draft is with the proofreader, and Andjela and I are working on the cover. The first thing to get right is the face of Will Merrit, and here’s one of the mock-ups she’s managed to produce from the original photo.

There are things to tweak on that draft version, but we’ll get there.

Delamere Files Book Five

I have started researching the history and details of the Egyptian Hall in Piccadilly, and in particular, the world of Maskelyne and Cooke’s mysterious entertainments. The magic shows as we might call them these days. I did some work in this area when I wrote ‘Seeing through Shadows’ in the Larkspur Series, because it’s where Chester Cadman met the man who duped him, and ‘Shadows’ is about Chester cracking the case of the Larkspur Ghost. I am currently thinking about writing an investigation that takes place in the world of onstage magicians.

The first thing I need is a title because I want to add that to the end of book four.

Bobby

This is my late godfather’s life story, which is a lot about growing up and being gay during the 20th century. I am now working on the section which is my reminiscences of the man, while the rest of the text is being read and checked by Neil and others. I will have to ask Andjela to do me another cover, and the layout may have to wait until July when I will next be able to afford to pay for the work, but the book should come along in the next couple of months. Meanwhile, here’s a photo of me and Bobby, taken, I reckon in 1971 when my parents had not long bought the house behind us.

Here’s a strange numbers thing. I have a godson who is currently 16 while I am 61, and pointed out to him today that the phenomenon of our ages being reversible will not happen again. He was born when I was 44. My godfather was also 44 when I was born, so when I was 16 he was 61, and that phenomenon never happened again.

Promotions

There are several excellent promotions running at the moment, and I am in them. They are a mix of Academy Series Starters (all genres but in an academic setting), Mayhem and Motives, a collection of great titles in the mystery, action & adventure field, and Pride Month, which is all to do with general LGBT fiction including Sci-fi and Fantasy, and in my case, historical mystery.

All of these promos cost you nothing to view and there are loads of new titles and authors for you to check out, so plenty of ideas for summer reading. Many of the books, or all of them in some promo cases, are available on KU, so if you’re signed up for that, you now have a new and exciting library of gay lit to see you through.

The Strange Case of the Missing Man

We are living through a local mystery right now here on Symi, because a TV presenter and journalist has mysteriously vanished. Last Wednesday, Michael Mosley set off to walk back from a beach via a well-used and open route and hasn’t been since. We’ve been doing what we can to help, and that’s mainly been deflecting journalists and pointing them towards the authorities, and guiding some of the family around the village to show them the lie of the land as the search continues.

And Onwards

So, for me, it’s now back to the typo-writer, and onto the final chapter of Bobby, while thinking up a title for book five, doing a jigsaw to free up my mind, trying to stay cool (nearly 40 degrees again yesterday), drinking lots of water (at least five litres yesterday), and looking forward to a family visit that starts next weekend. As usual, it’s all go.

Thanks for reading, and thanks to everyone who’s been clicking on the promos and getting me a good referral reputation, and to everyone who is currently reading and buying the books. It generates a small income, but as it’s the only one I have, it’s very well received!

Find all Jackson Marsh titles here:

June Promos

History and romance mix month June

Hello everyone! Apologies if you just received a newsletter and it was exactly the same as this post, more or less, but it’s the start of a new promo month. Therefore, I have news of promos running in June, the month in which I will release the 4th Delamere Files novel, ‘Where There’s a Will.’

I am very pleased to say that the new series has been doing really well, and that’s mainly thanks to you, my readers and supporters, and to the Book Funnel promotions. This is where a group of authors get together and promote each other’s books, simply by sharing the link to the promo page. Our readers and supporters go to the page to browse, and, hopefully, pick up some copies of a new author’s book. The promotions are themed, and naturally, I go for the historical novels ones, and/or the adventure, romance, action, mystery… whatever is suitable to the book.

So, here is news of what promos you can go and check out this month. Apart from one, they are all running until the end of the month. It doesn’t cost you anything to click, but the more clicks I get direct from this newsletter, the better it makes me look – wink, wink.

LGBT Reading Party

(Only available until 8th June)

This is a celebratory sales promo for authors of works with characters who would identify anywhere within the LGBTQIA+ spectrum.

Click this link: LGBT Reading Party

Mayhem and Motives

MAYHEM & MOTIVES: Mystery, Thriller, & Suspense Reads is a genre-themed sales promotion brought to you by BookMojo.

There are just over 100 books in the list, all mystery or thrillers.

Click this link: Mayhem and Motives

Pride Month

Find your next queer read.

Anyone can join the promo, as long as the main character of the book is part of the LGBTQIA+ community. Well, for me, that’s ripe for all three of my series starters, and they are in there along with over 200 other titles. Plenty of new LGBT authors, stories and series to check out there, and from all genres.

Click this link: Pride Month

All that and a new novel too? Yup, that’s what coming this month. So, here’s wishing you a great June ahead!

Will it Work?

This week’s update: I am now at 55,000 words of ‘Where There’s a Will’ and the story is progressing. For the last three days I have been rereading what I have written so far, and today, I’ll be moving forward again, having checked up on myself. This is one of those mysteries with lots of detail, some of which isn’t relevant (to the mystery) but which act as red herrings, and I need to be sure that a) there aren’t too many, and b) those that are genuine clues are pointed enough to remain in the memory without overpowering it.

What I mean: When laying down a clue for the detective to pick up on later, like when laying down the foundations of what will become the smoking gun, it’s important to ensure the evidence has been presented in a plausible but not over-obvious way.

There is an old thriller writing saying which goes something like: Don’t mention a revolver unless you intend to use it. In other words, if you introduce something big, make sure there’s a reason for it. So, in ‘Where There’s a Will’, I have several incidents from the characters’ pasts which either have to be relevant to the plot generally or important to the mystery specifically. Some of these ideas pop into my head as I am writing, and thus, get added into the story. Later, I might discover that they didn’t run, or they led nowhere, and interesting as they are, and relevant though they seemed at the time, they are now just clutter and have to go.

Which is what I have been doing these past few days. Now, I am about to leap back into chapter 18, which is a little over halfway, when the mystery has just kicked up a gear. I need to devise my next cryptic clue, put in some more backstory to deepen suspicion and have my cast prepare for a storm, both meteorological and metaphoric.

Red Herring. According to Study.com, The term ”red herring” comes from an article written by a journalist in 1807. He described a likely fictional story in which he used a red herring (a smoked herring) to distract a dog from a hare. The term caught on from there.

The smoking gun. The phrase originally came from the idea that finding a very recently fired (hence smoking) gun on the person of a suspect wanted for shooting someone would in that situation be nearly unshakable proof of having committed the crime. (Wiki.)

Or, as Sir Arthur Conan Doyle put it in ‘The Adventure of the Gloria Scott’: We rushed on into the captain’s cabin, but as we pushed open the door there was an explosion from within, and there he lay wit’ his brains smeared over the chart of the Atlantic which was pinned upon the table, while the chaplain stood with a smoking pistol in his hand at his elbow.

A selection of Historical Fiction on Kindle Unlimited – the promo runs all month

The Blake Inheritance

I am currently writing ‘Where There’s a Will’, the Delamere Series book four, and have just written a chapter involving a lighthouse. This reminded me of another of my older, stand-alone novels which also features a lighthouse.

The Blake Inheritance has the following blurb:

Let us go then you and I, to the place where the wild thyme grows.”

An inheritance, a ring and a church organ; three clues to the Blake family mystery. Twenty-five and fleeing a stale relationship, Ryan Blake returns home to find some answers. What he discovers is the impish twenty-two-year-old, Charlie Hatch, a homeless scamp who has a way with words, a love of mysteries, and a very cute arse. As the two set about unlocking the Blake family secrets, Ryan finds himself falling for the younger guy. But is he ready to commit again? And can Charlie learn to accept that someone loves him?

The lighthouse is where the climax of the story happens, the unlocking of the mystery and where the two main characters get a little closer – as far as I remember. It’s been a while since I read it. It’s a mystery set in the present day and concerns two guys from the same town and school. One of them, Charlie, is fond of mixing his quotes, hence the line:

“Let us go then you and I, to the place where the wild thyme grows.”

This one is a mix of TS Eliot (The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock):

Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherized upon a table;

And Shakespeare, (A Midsummer Night’s Dream):

I know a bank where the wild thyme blows,
Where oxlips and the nodding violet grows,

Charlie comes out with others throughout the book, but not relentlessly, because I couldn’t think of that many good ones. I think there’s something like ‘Come into my parlour said the owl to the pussycat,’ or similar in there somewhere. I wanted to make Charlie quirky (maybe even a bit creepy at times), and Ryan, far more sensible and grown up for his age.

Pleasingly, I received good feedback about this standalone, with some people asking if I was going to create a series with these two characters investigating other mysteries. I started writing a book two, but didn’t feel it had legs. (Not long after, I started on Deviant Desire, and that world and those characters certainly had/have legs. Three series, a total of 21 books with another one on the way.) ‘Blake’ has received some negative stars – there’s someone who invariably gives my books only one star, usually only half an hour after I post the new title, which makes me suspect, they didn’t buy it. But there have also been some good reviews, including:

This is an amazing piece of writing which has everything in it.”

“I just finished reading this book. I just wouldn’t put it down until I finished it.”

The more I read, the more I was gripped.”

Maybe those words were about one of my others, as this is very much an ‘early work,’ and tbh, I write much better prose these days. Still, it sells copies now and then, it’s a sweet little romance with an intriguing mystery, and it’s all yours for as little as $3.99 -= or ‘free’ on Kindle Unlimited.

Guardians of the Promo

Today’s news is that Guardians of the Poor is one of my books in a promo at Book Funnel. If you like historical adventure, action, mystery and/or military novels, then there is a select number of titles being promoted by a small group of authors, me being one of them. All the titles are available on Kindle Unlimited.

https://books.bookfunnel.com/kuhistoricalfictonfebruary2024/fgz0x9yhbo

As you’ll see, I have ‘Deviant Desire’ in there as well as ‘Guardians of the Poor.’

Guardians is set around workhouse life in 1890s London. It starts with a newspaper article from July 1890 which was inspired by a real article from March of that year which concerned a workhouse master (the superintendent) and one of his younger charges. Also feeding my inspiration was an article from around the same time concerning fraudulent activity at the Chelsea workhouse. I combined several real-life incidents to create my story, which is set in the Hackney workhouse. That’s a place I visited in the 1980s and 90s when some of its buildings were being used as parts of Homerton Hospital.

Anyway… I started the Larkspur series there, and in case you’ve not read it, I’ve reproduced the opening couple of pages here to get you started. Dalston Blaze and Joe Tanner go on to become students at the Larkspur Academy where they meet a cast of other young men all of whom have special talents, but all of whom have fallen foul of prejudice or the law. Joe Tanner more so because he is completely deaf, and can only communicate with Dalston through their invented and partially taught sign language. (That was fun to write!)

The series runs for seven books and climaxes with ‘The Larkspur Legacy’ which draws together both this series and the Clearwater Mysteries, before leading into The Delamere Files.

Here is the opening of Guardians of the Poor, and the link to the Kindle Unlimited promotion for 25 exclusive historical action, adventure, military and mystery novels.

Lloyd’s Weekly London Newspaper
July 20, 1890

The Shocking Charge Against Two Men. On Friday last, Dalston Blaze and Joseph Tanner, both 18, were indicted for inciting each other to the commission of unnatural offences. The prisoner, Blaze, had been for his life an inmate of the Union Workhouse, Hackney, and Tanner much the same time, but were working as porter-inmates in accordance with the New Poor Law of 1834.

Sometime in July of this year, another officer of this workhouse, a man named Skaggot, reported to the police an offence alleged to have been committed in the workhouse. Inquiries were immediately made, with the result that proceedings were begun against Tanner and Blaze.

Evidence against the accused was presented in the form of pictographs, making this case unique, and somewhat open to interpretation. According to the prosecution, these symbols, when interpreted, prove the men were inciting each other to perform an unnatural act.

Edward Capps, the workhouse master, was called, and said he knew of no such unnatural conduct between Blaze and Tanner, and gave evidence of good character. He said, ‘I am keen the men are returned to the Workhouse to continue their good work there.’

However, there is another complication to this case. The prisoner, Tanner, was not in court and is missing.

Mr Willis, defending, was addressing the jury on the character of the Master, when the jury foreman interposed. He said the jury did not desire to hear counsel for the defence, because the conduct of the workhouse official had nothing to do with the case. Thus, the defence was told to stand down.

The Common Sergeant then pronounced Blaze guilty of the commission of unnatural offences, and pronounced the same verdict against the missing defendant, Tanner, and called the proceedings to a halt. He remanded Blaze back into custody until sentencing. The magistrate imposed on Scotland Yard to find and bring to court the accomplice, Tanner, before the sentencing, the date being set for two weeks hence.

Reynold’s Newspaper
Sunday, July 27, 1890

The Hackney Workhouse Scandal. The case for sentencing will be heard this Thursday in the Central Criminal Court before the Common Sergeant, Sir William Charley. Dalston Blaze and Joseph Tanner, both 18 of the Hackney Workhouse, have been indicted for inciting each other to the commission of unnatural offences. Mr Avery will represent the prosecution; Sir Easterby Creswell has replaced Willis as the defence; Sir Malcolm Ashton will be watching the case on behalf of the workhouse officials. Reynolds Newspaper will be reporting.

The case has attracted attention due to the unusual evidence of the pictograms used in the planning of the crime, and because of the absence of the second criminal, Joseph Tanner who has not yet been recovered after effecting his escape from custody following the initial arraignment. We are also interested to learn why Sir Easterby Creswell has taken the case as it appears to be a mundane matter, and sentencing a foregone conclusion. Sentencing for this crime is usually five years imprisonment, and there is no reason to suspect this case will be any different.


Click the banner to see the books on offer:

https://books.bookfunnel.com/kuhistoricalfictonfebruary2024/fgz0x9yhbo

‘A Fall from Grace’ is About to Land

The second in the new Delamere Files series of Victorian mysteries with gay characters, MM romance, and adventure is almost ready to go live. It only remains for me to finish reading the final proof of ‘A Fall from Grace’ (another five days, perhaps), for the layout guys to work their magic (a further couple of days, depending on their availability), and for me to upload the files and hit the release button—another day as it doesn’t take long.

I will reveal the full cover to you on Saturday, and also give you the blurb, so that, I hope, is something to look forward to, with a release date within the next two weeks, fingers crossed.

Coming soon…

Without giving anything away, I can tell you that part of the story harks back to a British public school in the 1870s through to the 1880s, and a section of the book is written by someone else. I mean, a character has written his story for our detectives to read (and there are some other diaries, but not too many). To give you an idea of how this character writes, here is a short section from his memoirs. They only form about three chapters of a 28-chapter novel, the rest is (more or less) from Jack Merrit’s point of view.

Here, the character tells us his dark thoughts on the public school system (1880)

The seniors above us left Grace Tower to make their way into the world as men forged by the callous pounding of the Sinford’s hammer on the anvil of tradition that flattened any crease of individuality or creativity. Men were smelted from base material in the crucible of the public school system, and once tempered, poured into moulds vacated by their fathers and theirs before them. Those who opposed were caught in the clamps and chiselled, worked, and drawn out until, free of all impurities, they became Old Sinfordians, free to set foot upon the green and pleasant land of Blake’s imagination. There, they forged their own progeny in their own image among the dark satanic mills of adulthood.

I have created a few new characters for this story, and some may reappear later in the series. Among them are the protagonist and antagonist, two old boys, now men, from Sinford’s School for Boys. You’ll also meet some eccentrics. There’s a new stable lad at Delamare House, Mrs Norwood makes a brief appearance, as does our old favourite, Doctor Markland who first appeared in ‘Deviant Desire’ back at the start of the Clearwater Mysteries. If you’ve read that series’ prequel, ‘Banyak & Fecks’, you might have noticed he appears in that too, though Fecker, who meets him, can’t remember his name.

Anyway… That’s where I am today. After work, I shall continue to read the proofs, hopefully making the final tweaks to ensure the rather complicated story is easy enough to follow, and I’ll be back on Saturday to show you the full cover, another stunner from Andjela V.

If you’ve not started on the Delamere Files yet, then you can find book one here: Finding a Way.

On sale now. Click the image.

Looking for a Great Historical Mystery?

If you’ve come here looking for a great historical mystery to read, I’ve again got the perfect thing for you. Not only my own books, which you can find on my Clearwater Mysteries page, and not only The Larkspur Mysteries which continue in the Clearwater world with new characters taking centre stage and established characters supporting, but also Finding a Way, the first in the new Delamere Files series.

Plus, all the books currently available in Kindle Unlimited in this excellent Book Funnel promotion:

K. C. Sivils, A. H. Wang, Y. G. Knight, and authors without initials, such as Rose Donovan and Nadya Frank, all have titles on offer here, along with my series starters, Deviant Desire (Clearwater), Guardians of the Poor (Larkspur), and Finding a Way (Delamere).

Astute readers might notice that my series titles are the names of three of Lord Clearwater’s homes; Clearwater House, London, Larkspur Hall, Cornwall, and Delamere House, the next-door, sister property to Clearwater House in Knightsbridge. Why? I don’t know, it just seemed like the sensible thing to do. When I first came up with the property names, I never thought I would be creating three series around them, but that’s what happened, and I’m glad it did. When writing the Larkspur Mysteries, and bringing in Lady Marshall’s country home, I thought carefully about the name of the place, having in mind the idea I may set another series there in the future. That’s why I came up with Stoneridge Castle. I was thinking of something spookier, still mysterious, maybe steampunk-ish, and based around Hope & Hyde from the Larkspur Academy. If I ever do, you will be the first to know. Meanwhile, back to this Book Funnel promo and all the delights that go with it: Self-pub mysteries with an historical background, all available in KU, so you can easily add them to your library, also available in other formats if you aren’t in KU and want to buy and all at discounted or very reasonable prices.

There. That should set you up for a few weeks. Meanwhile, I am currently editing and rewriting the final chapters of ‘A Fall from Grace’, the Delamere Files book two, and have it booked in with Anne Atwood, my long-suffering and rather excellent proofreader for the first days of October. This weekend, I must start thinking about the cover so that, in a couple of weeks, I can let you know when this next book will be ready for you.

Have a good weekend, check in on Wednesday for the regular work-in-progress update, and above all, keep reading!

Return to Barrenmoor Ridge

Today, I want to say that it’s fine to improve your own work no matter when it was written or published.

The Mentor of Barrenmoor Ridge’ is my age-gap, MM romance-thriller set on the side of a Derbyshire fell in bad weather and was released in January 2018.

In terms of Kindle sales, this is my 4th best-selling title. In terms of page reads through Kindle Unlimited, it’s the 7th, and in terms of income, it’s the 6th. Above it are the first four Clearwater novels and ‘Guardians of the Poor.’

The ‘Barrenmoor Ridge’ blurb begins thus:

Following the death of his lover, mountaineer John Hamilton lives an isolated existence high on wild Fellborough peak. When he rescues 19-year-old Gary Taylor from the mountain, John can't accept that the boy may be the answer to his heartache. Gary is seventeen years his junior, confused, and being pursued by criminals.   

A while ago, my PA suggested I did some tidying up on ‘The Mentor of Barrenmoor Ridge,’ particularly the first few chapters. This was one of my first novels, and I was then, as I am now, still learning the craft.

The other day, I thought I’d drop into it, improve what I can, and eventually, have a second edition which is the same, but more polished.

I had actually started this task some time ago but got no further than the first half a page, because the Larkspur Mysteries series came along.

This morning, I took a look at what I’d done to ‘Barrenmoor’ then, and compared it to the original. Yes, well, ah-hem… there’s certainly some confusion in the opening scene; confusion around whose point of view we are experiencing the story from. It was meant to be John, the main character, but some of the time, it’s as if his friend, Sally, is the lead so that needed addressing. I think, when I was writing it, I wrote one version from her point of view and one from his and ended up mixing the two. It’s fine to use more than one point of view as long as you write in blocks (i.e. don’t change POV every other line) or put in a line break, or use some other technique that makes the switching obvious. I hadn’t done this; I’d bounced back and forth.

Here’s an example; the first 141 words of the original, which starts from John’s point of view, but swiftly changes to someone else (in italics):

John Hamilton was refusing a job at Everest base camp when he caught sight of the youth who was about to change his life. He was also ripping a piece of toast in half with his teeth while reaching for his pint mug of tea. The woman sitting opposite him in the Pot Hole, the climbers' café in Inglestone, was none too impressed that he had left their conversation hanging but assumed that John was considering her offer. After she had watched his confused expression for long enough, she leant across and pushed the piece of toast into his open mouth. 'It's an easy answer, John,' she said, smiling at his reaction. 'And you've got baked beans in your moustache.' John finally returned his gaze to her. 'What?' he said, his body at the table, his mind still across the room. 

Looking closer, I also have a problem with the second sentence, because

  1. it starts with ‘He’, and I now try and avoid doing that as it sounds weak, and
  2. because it’s weak, it’s vague, and we might be talking about the younger man across the room. Who is eating toast and drinking tea? Both of them?

My changes come next, and although they are not yet perfect, they are an improvement. Here are what are now the first 144 words.

John Hamilton was refusing a job at Everest base camp when he caught sight of the younger man who would change his life. Their eyes met, and although John was ripping apart a piece of toast and reaching for his pint mug of tea, both actions stopped in a heartbeat. The clatter and chatter around him in the climbers’ café faded, and he would have remained staring in silent awe had his companion not kicked him under the table. Sally appeared none too pleased he’d left their conversation hanging, because she leant across, pushed the piece of toast into his mouth, and said, ‘It’s an easy answer, and you’ve got baked beans in your moustache.’ John stared through her for a second before blinking. ‘What?’ His body was at the table, but his mind remained with who he had just seen.

That, to me, is better because, a) it stays as John’s point of view, therefore, b) it flows better, and c) it’s a little more intriguing. Does John know this younger man? (His mind remained with who he had just seen.) There is also the added attraction of naming his companion, Sally, rather than calling her ‘the woman’ as if he didn’t know who she was. I’ve also cut the detail about the café name and location, because that’s not vital and we’ll come to learn that information later. You’ll note I have left the opening line more or less intact. I rather like the way it mixes Everest Base Camp, refusing a job there, a younger man, a moment between two main characters, and ‘who would change his life,’ setting up what’s to come. I changed ‘youth’ to ‘younger man’ because it sounds less patronising.

The point of this is to highlight that it’s fine to return to an older work and improve it. We learn as we go, and because you can change your Amazon-uploaded files at any time, yet still keep the ISBN number and details, you can improve your work whenever you want. (As long as you don’t substantially change the story or title; in that case, you would need a new ISBN and would have to publish it as if it were a new book.) Revising those 141 words took me about half an hour, and I’m still not 100% happy, but I’ll continue when I can, and improve my ‘number five’ best seller bit by bit when I have time.

(Note from PA, “I love this opening, far more readable and the intrigue seed is planted leaving me wanting more. Bravo.”)