I want to quote from two emails I received yesterday. I have put what was sent in italics to make it easier to differentiate between my bleating and theirs. Here’s the first line:
Thank you for writing Holywell Street a story that doesn’t just confront hidden darkness but does so with an emotional undercurrent that lingers.
Apparently, I’ve confronted hidden darkness. If I’ve confronted it, it can’t be hidden, surely? It goes on with more AI generated jargon including phrases such as caught between justice and personal consequence, the path forward, and leaves a lasting weight.
Leaves a lasting weight…? What, like too many cream cakes?
I was then asked a couple of questions, including: how did you keep Jack’s emotional core grounded without losing momentum in the plot’s twists?
Answer: You tell me – you purport to have read the book.
Then we get to the meat of the thing with: I help authors build ripple-effect visibility…
Ripple-effect visibility?
Apparently, my story has emotional depth beneath genre. Sorry, love, don’t understand.
I’d be glad to send over a visibility outline…
A what outline? I looked it up and am none the wiser. I’ve heard of visible panty line; it comes about after eating too many cream cakes and creating a lasting weight that ripples beneath.
Anyway… I replied with a couple of questions and a lot of cynicism, had another reply, and then followed that up with ‘So, what’s the cost?’ To which I received a breakdown of levels of ‘support’ and how much I could expect to pay for each one, and it was all so well written, I had to reach for a glossary:
In-depth alignment assessment. Custom reader discovery map. Quiet outreach. Curated spaces with reflective readers. Organic outreach. Immersive visibility layer. Ongoing traction. Gentle book visibility audit. And my fave: 30-day soft ripple tracking. I am now thinking of ice cream.
If pressed to respond to this softly rippling enquiry into whether I want to waste money, I shall reply, Do us a favour, love. I ain’t stupid.
On the same day, I received another email from someone with a strangely similar-but-different name. This one was about my godfather’s biography, ‘Bobby,’ and began:
I knew Bobby: A Life Worth Living was more than memoir. It’s a testimony. Raw, rich, and revelatory.
I can’t even say the word revelatory without breaking it down. Re-vel-a-tory. Revel a Tory? Rhymes with la-va-tory. (Well, it does and it doesn’t.)
There then followed a mashup of the blurb which I suspect was created by AI and was clearly based on the blurb I had written by using my own brain and creativity. This was followed by the almost punchline: I run a visibility service…
Oh, here we go. In this case, I was offered a personalized visibility snapshot.
No, not a clue, and I’m not going to ask or even bother to look it up as it’s clearly something to do with corporate publicity speak as spoken by machines and twiddled with by chancers “feeding off vulnerable self-published authors who don’t have the usual publishing house/agent/publicist infrastructure to protect them,” as a friend of mine put it when we discussed the emails. He also suggested “They’re not going to offer you anything you couldn’t organise for yourself with a little bit of work…” and I agree. So, I shall ignore them from now on. In fact, I will mark them as spam in Mailwasher, and if they persist, I shall bounce them back so they can confront their own hidden darkness, and I will do it with an emotional undercurrent that lingers.
It does make me wonder, though, how many people will fall for these scams, and scammers who are being more and more helped by AI. It’s so obvious to me when someone has used Crap GTP to create a paragraph or even an entire email. The writing is just too… too… Well, it’s just not normal. Considering it’s been spewed from a machine, it’s too emotional at times, too florid to have been written by anyone with self-respect. Makes me shudder.